Things I Will Never Do Nor Say Again.....

Pregnancy has opened my eyes to an entire new world: The world of "Things You Should Never Do or Say To a Pregnant Woman."

Here are a few that I've experienced:

1. Touching the "Baby Bump"
This is so uncomfortable! I heard a good thing to say to people that try to touch your stomach.

"I'm sorry. I've just come in contact with radioactive materials, so you probably shouldn't touch me."

I'm okay with close friends and relatives, but I don't appreciate coworkers, acquaintances from church, or absolute strangers just rubbing me down. Unless I'm paying them for a professional massage, I don't want that barrier to be crossed.

2. "Your tummy is SOOOO big!"
Heard this little winner just this morning from a student at our school. The perpetrator was an adult woman with children of her own.

She should know better.

 I don't care if my stomach should be on a list at the Intergalactic Planet Registry. If you can't lie about how stinking little and cute I am and how you can't believe that I am already that far along, DON'T SAY ANYTHING! Now is not the time to make a woman feel horrible about herself and her expanding waistline.

3. "That is nothing.....back when I was pregnant....."
Okay Brian Regan, I understand that your 8 wisdom tooth tale is much better than mine, but I still want to tell you about it!

I get the fact that some women have difficult pregnancies and that makes them feel superior to everyone else, but that doesn't mean the rest of us aren't struggling! I will never discredit the difficulties that each woman goes through to have babies. Besides, whether someone is on bed rest for 8 months or she just gets a little indigestion after a couple meals, they all should get a little sympathy. That is all anyone is looking for anyway.

4. "Oh! You're waddling like a little duck!"
"Thanks! You tromp around like an elephant."

I heard this one at church on Sunday. And no, I did not actually say that reply. That would have been hurtful.

Actually, I'd gone on a ridiculously difficult hike the day before (I had no business trying to take on that mountain.....) and I was very stiff and sore. So yes, I was waddling, but it wasn't pregnancy related like she thought. Frankly, I don't care. Don't tell me I'm walking like a duck.

5. (My favorite) "Are You Pregnant?"
The first person that asked me this had stared at my stomach for a good 15 seconds before voicing her question. I was only about 3-4 months along, looking like I might have just eaten a large lunch, and I was very irritated.

So I told her no.

And then I just watched her flounder.

This might have bordered on cruel, but I still have a difficult time dredging up any remorse.


And that just about wraps up my list. I'm sure there have been other irritating things throughout this experience, but these are the ones that have really stuck with me. I promise, I will never do/say these things to a pregnant woman for the rest of my life.

Cross my heart.

I've got the jeans from "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"!

I have a pair of magical jeans that seem to fit me no matter what size I am.


I should have bought 12 pairs.


I bought them when I lived out in moved home from Provo. I'd lost quite a bit of weight and so I went to The Buckle and picked up a pair of Big Star's that look a lot like these:

They are just a straight leg, low rise jean. Nothing too special. Sometimes I think that I should have gone to a different store and bought a more reasonable priced pair. However, then I remember how magical these are, and I'm just not sure that a cheaper pair would have grown and shrunk with me!

Now remember-I've just bought this pair of jeans after losing a bit of weight. Keep this in mind. It is important.

I am currently 27.5 weeks pregnant. I've gained a ton of weight at this point. I can't tell you how much because once I hit about the 25 pound mark pretty early on, I stopped looking at the scale at my doctor's appointments. I just know it is more than 25 pounds and I'm still eating :) ha ha! Anyway....much bigger now than when I bought these pants.

But that doesn't matter because these pants are magical! I'd worn these pants around the 20 week mark, but I haven't put them on lately because I didn't want to depress myself. That has all changed today. I was getting ready for work, and I thought about how much I missed my special pair of jeans and I decided that I would just try them on. Ya know. Just to see.

They slipped on with ease!!! I couldn't believe it! I have to use a rubber band to do up the button, but that is nothing new. And this is why I think my pants are magical. :)

Next pregnancy item: Leg Cramps

I've gotten a few little cramps in my hip flexors and a couple itsy bitsy cramps in my calves. I had counted myself lucky and not thought about them too much. Until this morning. At about 5:30 a.m. I got a leg cramp in my right calf that was possibly the worst of my life. And I've had a few big ones before. Dancing ballet would stress my calf muscles enough that sometimes they would just cramp up and freak out.

This was worst.

I couldn't get it to stop! I wriggled around in pain, trying to get it to loosen. I couldn't even flex my foot! It was just cramped up in the pointed position and no amount of determination could get it to stop! I bet it stayed like that for a full 30 seconds. I know this doesn't sound like much, but it is longer when it is happeneing to you. I accidentally woke Ryan up during this whole process and he volunteered to rub it out, but I was freaking out too much to let him.
After what seemed like an eternity it loosened up and I was able to flex my foot. However, now my calf muscles are so sore that I can't harldy walk on them. And don't even get me started about going up and down stairs.